Today, I am pleased to annouce a guest poster. Her name is Michelle Simkins. And she is a wonderful writer. In the themeof bloggerly love she has consented to do a post for me on love. My own post on the matter can be found at her blog site: http://greenwoman.wordpress.com
Thank you Michelle for this wonderful oportunity! Love ya!
Sometimes true love doesn’t happen at first sight. Sometimes it’s more like you’ve had this friend for a long time, and you’ve always enjoyed hanging out with him or her, but you’ve never really entertained any other ideas about the relationship. Then one day, he or she shows up with a new haircut, or the lighting is different, or you go somewhere new, and suddenly you look at this person you’ve known for years and you realize that you want to . . . know him or her in a much more BIBLICAL sense. And it shouldn’t be a surprise, because this person has always been awesome, but somehow you still feel like it’s this intense revelation and it shakes you right down to your Doc Martens.
It was like that with me and writing.
I created stories before I could actually write. When I played with dolls, I usually told the story of what they were doing. I didn’t have an imaginary friend: I had an imaginary cast of characters, and some of them weren’t very nice. Apparently I got that whole “there’s no story without conflict” thing from a very early age. (Also, I’m the only person I know whose imaginary friends were mean to her.)
And I wrote stories from the moment I could string together a series of three letter words.
Then in eighth grade, my English class did a writing unit. We wrote a biographical piece and several short pieces of fiction. I got really in to it. But I didn’t realize I was in love until the very end of the creative writing section, when my teacher put the following comment on my final story: “Please send me a copy of the first book you publish.”
And suddenly I saw the future–the house we would share, the books we would birth together. I knew it would be perfect. We’re so OPTIMISTIC when we fall in love, aren’t we?
And the first few years together were pretty good. I got a lot of praise from my parents and friends, my high school teachers and the leader of my church youth group. Writing didn’t get mad at me for failing to finish the deed sometimes, for not being in the mood at other times, for never taking criticism well.
But then I started college, and the honeymoon was over. I learned to read critically, and I got ideas about what kind of writing was worthwhile and what kind wasn’t. I sneered at the forms my writing used to take. I felt ashamed of my writing.
After college, writing and I started fighting over money. Writing just wasn’t bringing home the bacon, and I had student loans to pay. I broke up with writing for an entire decade. I was lost without her; nothing else made me happy the way she did. I often dreamed of going back to her, of re-igniting the passion between us. But I was too busy trying to figure out who I was, what I wanted, and more importantly what I NEEDED. I guess I just couldn’t be with her until I got my head on straight.
We were reunited a few years ago, when we ran into each other during NaNoWriMo. I told her we needed to keep it casual, that I wasn’t sure I was ready to commit. And the first year after our reunion, I thought about breaking it off several times. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her: it was that I was afraid I wasn’t good enough, that I might give her my all and still fail her. We argued, we fought, I cried a lot. We couldn’t afford therapy, so we read some self-help books together and found some supportive communities to join. Over time, I learned to relax. I realized that our love was strong enough to see us through tough times, and that insecurity is a normal part of being married to the written word. It’s all right to have doubts, as long as I keep working on making things better all the time.
I’ve realized that there’s just nothing else out there as good as writing. And I think this time we’re together for good.
I really hope so, because I can’t imagine life without her.
Next Wednesday I’ll be blogging over at Ready, Write, Go (http://readywritego.blogspot.com/), and the lovely Cherie will be blogging at Greenwoman (http://greenwoman.wordpress.com). See you then!
What is this Summer of Bloggerly Love thing all about? Find out here. (http://greenwoman.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/the-summer-of-bloggerly-love/)